Thank YOU!
Amazing to me that at the exact time when I most wonder why I had to study nursing at Trinity is also the moment in which I most clearly understand the reason I am here. Some of the ideas and values that have been instilled in me here at Trinity are priceless - they will continue, as they already have, to profoundly impact my life and the nursing care I give. I am not certain how they would have been birthed in me had I not studied in this highly academic and authentically Christian environment.
God knew.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Four Years in Reflection...
I think back to the very beginning. The whole purpose was one more step in fulfilling the destiny God set before me. Before His will for me became so apparent both during and after YWAM, I remember earnestly asking God for a true university experience (during the time the question was between UAA and Trinity) because I wanted to experience dorm life... and though I ended up feeling frustrated by it more often than I enjoyed it, He granted my request. The fall of my first year I thought I would be in and out - only to get my degree as some sort of license to be on the field immediately after. But oh Lord... you did so much more in me... You gave me the grace to continue, to overcome the struggle, to learn from heartache and begin to understand what it means to hope. The recent years of my life have been marked by waiting, waiting in so many things. I see now, there is deep richness in waiting. A friend once told me that when you have to wait for something, it makes you appreciate it more when it emancipates itself and comes to be. I think there is truth in that. Waiting forces you to measure value and importance in a different way. The longer you wait, the more you wonder if what you wait for is worth holding out. I've learned that no matter the path, holding out for God's way, God's timing, and God's best is always worth it. All I mean to say is, Jesus, I am thankful for your work in my life, I am thankful for your sovereignty even when I haven't enjoyed or understood it.
And even when I have wanted to walk the other way...
I think back to the very beginning. The whole purpose was one more step in fulfilling the destiny God set before me. Before His will for me became so apparent both during and after YWAM, I remember earnestly asking God for a true university experience (during the time the question was between UAA and Trinity) because I wanted to experience dorm life... and though I ended up feeling frustrated by it more often than I enjoyed it, He granted my request. The fall of my first year I thought I would be in and out - only to get my degree as some sort of license to be on the field immediately after. But oh Lord... you did so much more in me... You gave me the grace to continue, to overcome the struggle, to learn from heartache and begin to understand what it means to hope. The recent years of my life have been marked by waiting, waiting in so many things. I see now, there is deep richness in waiting. A friend once told me that when you have to wait for something, it makes you appreciate it more when it emancipates itself and comes to be. I think there is truth in that. Waiting forces you to measure value and importance in a different way. The longer you wait, the more you wonder if what you wait for is worth holding out. I've learned that no matter the path, holding out for God's way, God's timing, and God's best is always worth it. All I mean to say is, Jesus, I am thankful for your work in my life, I am thankful for your sovereignty even when I haven't enjoyed or understood it.
And even when I have wanted to walk the other way...
Friday, January 19, 2007
I've Never Fancied Money Much...
I received an email from a certain friend today. A friend that has invested in me a great deal in an effort to keep me faithful to the call God has placed on my life. He is unique in how God uses him to urge others to pursue the things of God's heart, to run hard, and not lose sight of the destiny God has given us as followers. To do this, he and his family have sacrificed much. He has endured long and arduous trips throughout North America, prolonged time away from family, and in all of this, money has been scarce. Receiving his email today really impacted me because I felt a bit 'in his place' ... To a lesser degree, I feel the same pressure of financial strain as I seek to pay off my school loans as fast as I can so that I can continue with where God is leading me. I did not know the situation was as tight for this family as it is - he is far from certain how they will pay this month's bills. I know he was only sharing the reality of what he and his family face now, and that it wasn't his intent to provoke sympathy - he wouldn't want sympathy - but it made me wish I could grow a money tree for him. It grieved my heart as it always angers me when I see that a lack of money hinders anyone from doing what God wants them to do. In discussion with my roommate about that question, she responded: 'Well, if God really wanted them to do something, He would provide.' Yes, true, but is it that simple? Is that really all of the truth? I tend to think not. God is sovereign, I know, but He also gives us choice - a free choice for ourselves. And sometimes our decisions limit how much God is able to appear in our lives, and how much He is able to show Himself manifest among us. Just as a hard heart is limited in reflecting His glory and light, so the purchase of an unnecessary fur coat (keyword: 'unnecessary' - as in, not needed) limits the amount and influence that money could have if spent on something or someone else. The decisions we make in our money-spending affect others. It's simple math; when something is taken away, there is less. What I choose to spend on myself affects how much I can give or use toward something else - something to make a difference in this world. If I spend little on myself, I am able to give more, I am able to provide dinner for someone that hasn't tasted food in a week, I am able to propel someone forward in God's call for their life and witness the work of God through them. Now, what sounds more valuable? That, or a nice fur coat?
I don't even like fur coats. But if I did, I would still choose the former.
I received an email from a certain friend today. A friend that has invested in me a great deal in an effort to keep me faithful to the call God has placed on my life. He is unique in how God uses him to urge others to pursue the things of God's heart, to run hard, and not lose sight of the destiny God has given us as followers. To do this, he and his family have sacrificed much. He has endured long and arduous trips throughout North America, prolonged time away from family, and in all of this, money has been scarce. Receiving his email today really impacted me because I felt a bit 'in his place' ... To a lesser degree, I feel the same pressure of financial strain as I seek to pay off my school loans as fast as I can so that I can continue with where God is leading me. I did not know the situation was as tight for this family as it is - he is far from certain how they will pay this month's bills. I know he was only sharing the reality of what he and his family face now, and that it wasn't his intent to provoke sympathy - he wouldn't want sympathy - but it made me wish I could grow a money tree for him. It grieved my heart as it always angers me when I see that a lack of money hinders anyone from doing what God wants them to do. In discussion with my roommate about that question, she responded: 'Well, if God really wanted them to do something, He would provide.' Yes, true, but is it that simple? Is that really all of the truth? I tend to think not. God is sovereign, I know, but He also gives us choice - a free choice for ourselves. And sometimes our decisions limit how much God is able to appear in our lives, and how much He is able to show Himself manifest among us. Just as a hard heart is limited in reflecting His glory and light, so the purchase of an unnecessary fur coat (keyword: 'unnecessary' - as in, not needed) limits the amount and influence that money could have if spent on something or someone else. The decisions we make in our money-spending affect others. It's simple math; when something is taken away, there is less. What I choose to spend on myself affects how much I can give or use toward something else - something to make a difference in this world. If I spend little on myself, I am able to give more, I am able to provide dinner for someone that hasn't tasted food in a week, I am able to propel someone forward in God's call for their life and witness the work of God through them. Now, what sounds more valuable? That, or a nice fur coat?
I don't even like fur coats. But if I did, I would still choose the former.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Wise Words from an Eight-Year-OldI went over to Brian and Conor's this afternoon to say a brief hello/goodbye before I left for school again. Since I don't see Conor very regularly anymore, I am always taken aback with how much he has grown and of course, I reminisce on all the memories of babysitting him over the years... For those of you that don't have the pleasure of knowing this fine young fellow, he is the little brother I asked for but never got. As he has aged, he has become my friend and pal - I've even asked him to play with me sometimes! As his primary babysitter for the 8 years of his life, I have had the joy watching this young genious grow, develop, question, and explore. When I was with him today, I saw his growth in a new way and it surprised me. He spoke words that others six times his age might never utter. Brian joked (semi-serious) that Conor is his personal budget manager and does not resist telling his father not to buy something if he thinks it is unnecessary or too expensive. I told Conor that this is a trait to keep and that this wisdom will take him far! I said, 'I should hang around you more often Conor, I have student loans to pay off, and how do you think I should go about that?' He assertively replied: 'Buy what you need, and not what you want'. Wow! Talk about gleaning wisdom from people of all ages! Though it's not the first time that any of us have heard that, it means something totally new hearing it from the tongue of an eight-year-old... It's a bit convicting to realize that the more years you have doesn't always mean more clarity in seeing what is right and true. Conor has always been beyond his age in smarts and knowledge, but this shows he is in wisdom too. Oh, and... one more thing: he's got flair like no other... just look at that cheeky smile!
Worship: Always the Key to Mission
Tonight I sat with mom in the living room, trying to put in words all that is in my heart regarding my simple desire to see more of Christ in this world. To phrase my desire in this way is true, but so simplistic, too simplistic... carrying it out is so much more complicated - especially when considering where God is directing my life. With my longing and yearning to see Christ reign in Central Asia, at times I love it, and at other times I hate it. I love it because I know it is evidence of God's work in me and a result of Him molding the dreams and desires of His heart to become mine as well. I hate it because of the unavoidable struggle, sacrifice, and constant battle to remain confident in hope, believing that He is able and that He WILL transform this nation's people, community by community.
I ask, Jesus, what have you gotten me in to? Does hope deferred REALLY make the heart sick? What about when the darkness I see is so vast and pervasive that hope seems too weak to overcome it? The sickness I feel now just might be easier to assuage if I accept things as they are and stop feeling like a fool to think it can and WILL change. Deep down I know this is no answer. Despite how I feel, what I see and how I perceive it, Your truth and persistence shake me out of my disillusionment - so that I can see through eyes of faith.
Father God, in that moment, even then, I will turn my heart toward you and believe in your ability, your desire, your promise.
N.T. Wright says:
'The key to mission is always worship. You can only be reflecting the love of God into the world if you are worshipping the true God who creates the world out of overflowing self-giving love. The more you look at that God and celebrate that love, the more you have to be reflecting that overflowing self-giving love into the world.'
Tonight I sat with mom in the living room, trying to put in words all that is in my heart regarding my simple desire to see more of Christ in this world. To phrase my desire in this way is true, but so simplistic, too simplistic... carrying it out is so much more complicated - especially when considering where God is directing my life. With my longing and yearning to see Christ reign in Central Asia, at times I love it, and at other times I hate it. I love it because I know it is evidence of God's work in me and a result of Him molding the dreams and desires of His heart to become mine as well. I hate it because of the unavoidable struggle, sacrifice, and constant battle to remain confident in hope, believing that He is able and that He WILL transform this nation's people, community by community.
I ask, Jesus, what have you gotten me in to? Does hope deferred REALLY make the heart sick? What about when the darkness I see is so vast and pervasive that hope seems too weak to overcome it? The sickness I feel now just might be easier to assuage if I accept things as they are and stop feeling like a fool to think it can and WILL change. Deep down I know this is no answer. Despite how I feel, what I see and how I perceive it, Your truth and persistence shake me out of my disillusionment - so that I can see through eyes of faith.
Father God, in that moment, even then, I will turn my heart toward you and believe in your ability, your desire, your promise.
N.T. Wright says:
'The key to mission is always worship. You can only be reflecting the love of God into the world if you are worshipping the true God who creates the world out of overflowing self-giving love. The more you look at that God and celebrate that love, the more you have to be reflecting that overflowing self-giving love into the world.'
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
feestelijk inhalen!
so... here i am on blogger - on show, in a way, for all to see. i never thought of myself as a writer... and i still don't, but i wonder if God is developing this new gift within me. i'll try it out, see where it goes... writing has always been the way that i have expressed myself best, but for the most part, it has remained private, in journal form. in the past few months, however, i feel there is too much in my heart/head to keep inside and it needs to come out - hopefully as some benefit to others as well. i only invest my time in things meaningful... and with a lot of consideration, i think this counts. writing is one of the best tools for influence, so, with that... welcome!
so... here i am on blogger - on show, in a way, for all to see. i never thought of myself as a writer... and i still don't, but i wonder if God is developing this new gift within me. i'll try it out, see where it goes... writing has always been the way that i have expressed myself best, but for the most part, it has remained private, in journal form. in the past few months, however, i feel there is too much in my heart/head to keep inside and it needs to come out - hopefully as some benefit to others as well. i only invest my time in things meaningful... and with a lot of consideration, i think this counts. writing is one of the best tools for influence, so, with that... welcome!
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