History in Friendship
We played in the rice table together in kindergarten. We felt exhilarated sliding in the mud of a downpour during a soccer game when we were 12. We shared our secrets about boys and crushes in jr. high. As we grew older, we learned to give one another room for change and growth, each in our own ways, but found that through very different avenues and influences, God placed similar dreams and desires on both our hearts.

We are kindred spirits.
She is my best friend.

She's on the other side of the world. No talk: no phone, no internet, no email. Barely letters. With all this change and transition as of late, I'm just wanting to sit with her in a reverie, escaping to our imaginations and dreams. I want to wonder and question with her. When we do that, we are always taken back to the mystery of God and our hearts are expanded. It's a gift to be understood. It's a gift to take that risk in revealing a desire or thought of your innermost being and discover that the offering is met with understanding and care. She is loyal in her understanding and care for me and has taught me the meaning of loyalty.

Missing you, tess... love you.

A Wondrous Mystery
We sat at the nurse's station in the quiet hours of the early early morning and discussed topics that rarely get opportunity to be spoken about in the hustle of a dayshift in the hospital. I spoke with this german nurse attentive to all that she was saying, appreciating the fact that she really cared about the issues of this world and took time to try to understand them. But more than that, I was gripped by the recognition that she saw them. She saw the sufferings of the poor and the weak and the voiceless. She didn't think of them as them, but rather, us. She cared; and that expression of empathy stood out to me because it wasn't projected from a Christian context and community.

She asked me what I meant when I said I want to use my nursing in developing countries... When the specificity of which nation I want to work in came out in conversation, the conversation changed. She knew I was serious. She knew it ran deep and that it wasn't some flighty decision made on a whim. But as the conversation progressed, it became very apparent to me that there was one thing she would not grasp, she could not grasp. And that is... Why. She asked me why that country, why not southern Africa or other parts of Asia... it's so dangerous there. Yes, it's dangerous, and I admit, sometimes I hate that about it, but the only thing that echoed in my being when she asked me, was the truth that God's love compels me. I told her this is so strong in my heart that I feel if I did not go, I would be shutting off life from within. It doesn't make logical sense. And I recognize, it can't make sense outside of the character of God.

At one point after telling her I want to share Christ's love with these people, she said 'but they are different religion, they are Muslim... I call myself Christian, but I don't think that you should make others turn from their beliefs - that is their religion. A lot of crime has been done in the name of religion.' I agreed with her; indeed, in the past, a lot of wrong has been done under the facade of religion... but she continued to say 'if you are going there to do nursing, that is fine; I think that is very... noble...' In that instant, my heart was chastened to recall what God has personally been reminding me in my transition of finishing nursing school. My desire to do nursing started with mission. Nursing was just a tool to practically give more. The deep desire of my heart is living and sharing Christ. I knew I needed to take a stand for that - that I do believe there is one truth, and in fact, I do go in a missionary heart. I felt that if I didn't express that to her, I would be denying all that Christ is to me.

We continued with our work that had to be done, and then a bit later, she asked: 'aren't you scared?'. I gave her an honest answer, and it resounded again: she could not understand because she does not KNOW God and His character. She does not know what it means to have one's life hidden in Christ's, to have it surrendered to Him... that He purposes, that He protects, and enables. There is a higher life than this one where life is everlasting, and it does not entail living here on earth as many years as possible, but rather, living Christ, no matter the path He ordains.

Oh... how I wanted her to know that truth. That sweet truth.

HOORAY!!!

Done with all uni schoolwork in T-minus 24 hours. Oh MY!

Unbelievable.

At the end of a terrible day that I wouldn't want to go through again, my heart is filled with absolute gratitude. Really, I just can't imagine what my life would be like if God weren't all that He is to me. It's a mystery to me how people live their days, continuing on with all the bumps in the road, without any blessed assurance that there is something bigger beyond them, that there is Someone who pursues their heart and desires them to thrive. If I didn't have that, my life would be very, very dim. I just don't know how people get along in life without Him: How they laugh, how they smile, how they press on? I really think it would be harder to live life without Him than it is to live life with Him - no matter what challenge He calls me to. In the least, meaning is found in the struggle of my life because of who God is. For someone that doesn't know Christ, struggle is merely something to 'get through' until the seas calm.

My heart is lifted up as I rejoice that He is my haven, that He understands, that there is purpose because of Him, and that He persistently desires good for me.

Jesus, you rock my face off!

I feel RICH.
I do, I really feel rich. A little more than I think I can contain.
I almost feel overwhelmed with all the amazing people in my life. Maybe it's endings that make you recognize so clearly all that you have and the distance traveled, but nonetheless, I am in deep, deep appreciation for the people in my life... that truly make my life so very rich.

...If you're reading this... you're probably one of them ;)