And my heart rejoices.
I look at the last two posts on here, and all I see is the contrast in seasons of life. This past fall was a hard one no doubt, with all of its anger and frustrating wonder, but all the while, You were there. And You still are, here with me now. Though the times and circumstances constantly change, You remain the same. Thank You for Your grace, for walking me through that dark road, for keeping my heart with Yours even when I was mad at You and had nothing great to say to You. Lord, Lord, Your goodness continually astounds me.
"You turned my wailing into dancing;
You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
That my heart may sing to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11-12
Those verses speak my heart.
I'm thankful for everything: the good, the bad, the challenging, the wrestling and fighting. I'm thankful You always win. The truths You impressed on my heart through the struggle are invaluable and wouldn't have been learned otherwise. I rejoice in You and thank You again for the story of grace You have written and continue to write. I can't doubt Your goodness.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
To Be Told.
It's almost fuzzy and surreal, but in my life right now I profoundly feel God going before me in quite nearly every aspect of my life, large and small - all the way from repeated unexpected encounters with the woman I stood in line with waiting to get my tires changed to being used as a vessel to let God breathe His life into another's weary heart. In a way, I feel almost a disconnect from my own individual sense and that instead of my own leading, it is God writing and unfolding the story of my life - for the future down the road, but also specifically in the day to day present. I am the privileged character in this story as the recipient of such intention, attentiveness, and creativity. Oh Lord, how great is Your love. And all I have to say out of this heart of deep thanks is... keep going, it is my joy to speak well of Your Name.
It's almost fuzzy and surreal, but in my life right now I profoundly feel God going before me in quite nearly every aspect of my life, large and small - all the way from repeated unexpected encounters with the woman I stood in line with waiting to get my tires changed to being used as a vessel to let God breathe His life into another's weary heart. In a way, I feel almost a disconnect from my own individual sense and that instead of my own leading, it is God writing and unfolding the story of my life - for the future down the road, but also specifically in the day to day present. I am the privileged character in this story as the recipient of such intention, attentiveness, and creativity. Oh Lord, how great is Your love. And all I have to say out of this heart of deep thanks is... keep going, it is my joy to speak well of Your Name.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Authentic Living.
'It's not our accomplishments or achievements that matter... but our heart toward God - that's what really matters: living faithfully in the NOW - whatever circumstance or opportunity that is'. Those very words came from my mouth as I spoke with a friend reflecting on this past summer with all of its difficulty, setbacks and unknowns. I hesitated halfway and nearly couldn't finish my sentence. I knew what I wanted to say, I knew I wanted my heart to genuinely reflect the truth I was speaking, but in its own honesty, I knew my words were flat and empty. Failure in the spotlight of others' eyes is never a pleasant experience and many times the resistance and frustration has made me want to run relying on my own strength and will. I felt nothing but conviction when those words fell from my lips knowing my heart did not stand one with God, unified with His likeness.
Jesus, Jesus, may the course of my heart continue to change toward choosing the road that permits Your refinement in all of me.
'being' vs. 'doing' ... there's a big difference.
'It's not our accomplishments or achievements that matter... but our heart toward God - that's what really matters: living faithfully in the NOW - whatever circumstance or opportunity that is'. Those very words came from my mouth as I spoke with a friend reflecting on this past summer with all of its difficulty, setbacks and unknowns. I hesitated halfway and nearly couldn't finish my sentence. I knew what I wanted to say, I knew I wanted my heart to genuinely reflect the truth I was speaking, but in its own honesty, I knew my words were flat and empty. Failure in the spotlight of others' eyes is never a pleasant experience and many times the resistance and frustration has made me want to run relying on my own strength and will. I felt nothing but conviction when those words fell from my lips knowing my heart did not stand one with God, unified with His likeness.
Jesus, Jesus, may the course of my heart continue to change toward choosing the road that permits Your refinement in all of me.
'being' vs. 'doing' ... there's a big difference.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Balance.
Once of the keys to the Christian walk is learning balance in all of life.
Seriously, I never thought such a 'non-spiritual ' word could sum this up so well.
Too much rest and you're lazy.
Too much work and you're resentful.
Too much giving and you're unhealthy.
Too much taking and you're confined.
Too much authority and you debilitate others.
Too much apathy and you debilitate yourself.
Too much talking and you're not attending.
Too much listening and you're not sharing.
Too much independence and you become isolated.
Too much dependence and you become stunted.
Too much expectation and you're disconcerted.
Too little expectation and you're limited.
And on it goes... Jesus, help us to decipher the thin lines...
Once of the keys to the Christian walk is learning balance in all of life.
Seriously, I never thought such a 'non-spiritual ' word could sum this up so well.
Too much rest and you're lazy.
Too much work and you're resentful.
Too much giving and you're unhealthy.
Too much taking and you're confined.
Too much authority and you debilitate others.
Too much apathy and you debilitate yourself.
Too much talking and you're not attending.
Too much listening and you're not sharing.
Too much independence and you become isolated.
Too much dependence and you become stunted.
Too much expectation and you're disconcerted.
Too little expectation and you're limited.
And on it goes... Jesus, help us to decipher the thin lines...
Saturday, April 21, 2007
History in Friendship
We played in the rice table together in kindergarten. We felt exhilarated sliding in the mud of a downpour during a soccer game when we were 12. We shared our secrets about boys and crushes in jr. high. As we grew older, we learned to give one another room for change and growth, each in our own ways, but found that through very different avenues and influences, God placed similar dreams and desires on both our hearts.
We are kindred spirits.
She is my best friend.
She's on the other side of the world. No talk: no phone, no internet, no email. Barely letters. With all this change and transition as of late, I'm just wanting to sit with her in a reverie, escaping to our imaginations and dreams. I want to wonder and question with her. When we do that, we are always taken back to the mystery of God and our hearts are expanded. It's a gift to be understood. It's a gift to take that risk in revealing a desire or thought of your innermost being and discover that the offering is met with understanding and care. She is loyal in her understanding and care for me and has taught me the meaning of loyalty.
Missing you, tess... love you.
We played in the rice table together in kindergarten. We felt exhilarated sliding in the mud of a downpour during a soccer game when we were 12. We shared our secrets about boys and crushes in jr. high. As we grew older, we learned to give one another room for change and growth, each in our own ways, but found that through very different avenues and influences, God placed similar dreams and desires on both our hearts.
We are kindred spirits.
She is my best friend.
She's on the other side of the world. No talk: no phone, no internet, no email. Barely letters. With all this change and transition as of late, I'm just wanting to sit with her in a reverie, escaping to our imaginations and dreams. I want to wonder and question with her. When we do that, we are always taken back to the mystery of God and our hearts are expanded. It's a gift to be understood. It's a gift to take that risk in revealing a desire or thought of your innermost being and discover that the offering is met with understanding and care. She is loyal in her understanding and care for me and has taught me the meaning of loyalty.
Missing you, tess... love you.
Friday, April 20, 2007
A Wondrous Mystery
We sat at the nurse's station in the quiet hours of the early early morning and discussed topics that rarely get opportunity to be spoken about in the hustle of a dayshift in the hospital. I spoke with this german nurse attentive to all that she was saying, appreciating the fact that she really cared about the issues of this world and took time to try to understand them. But more than that, I was gripped by the recognition that she saw them. She saw the sufferings of the poor and the weak and the voiceless. She didn't think of them as them, but rather, us. She cared; and that expression of empathy stood out to me because it wasn't projected from a Christian context and community.
She asked me what I meant when I said I want to use my nursing in developing countries... When the specificity of which nation I want to work in came out in conversation, the conversation changed. She knew I was serious. She knew it ran deep and that it wasn't some flighty decision made on a whim. But as the conversation progressed, it became very apparent to me that there was one thing she would not grasp, she could not grasp. And that is... Why. She asked me why that country, why not southern Africa or other parts of Asia... it's so dangerous there. Yes, it's dangerous, and I admit, sometimes I hate that about it, but the only thing that echoed in my being when she asked me, was the truth that God's love compels me. I told her this is so strong in my heart that I feel if I did not go, I would be shutting off life from within. It doesn't make logical sense. And I recognize, it can't make sense outside of the character of God.
At one point after telling her I want to share Christ's love with these people, she said 'but they are different religion, they are Muslim... I call myself Christian, but I don't think that you should make others turn from their beliefs - that is their religion. A lot of crime has been done in the name of religion.' I agreed with her; indeed, in the past, a lot of wrong has been done under the facade of religion... but she continued to say 'if you are going there to do nursing, that is fine; I think that is very... noble...' In that instant, my heart was chastened to recall what God has personally been reminding me in my transition of finishing nursing school. My desire to do nursing started with mission. Nursing was just a tool to practically give more. The deep desire of my heart is living and sharing Christ. I knew I needed to take a stand for that - that I do believe there is one truth, and in fact, I do go in a missionary heart. I felt that if I didn't express that to her, I would be denying all that Christ is to me.
We continued with our work that had to be done, and then a bit later, she asked: 'aren't you scared?'. I gave her an honest answer, and it resounded again: she could not understand because she does not KNOW God and His character. She does not know what it means to have one's life hidden in Christ's, to have it surrendered to Him... that He purposes, that He protects, and enables. There is a higher life than this one where life is everlasting, and it does not entail living here on earth as many years as possible, but rather, living Christ, no matter the path He ordains.
Oh... how I wanted her to know that truth. That sweet truth.
We sat at the nurse's station in the quiet hours of the early early morning and discussed topics that rarely get opportunity to be spoken about in the hustle of a dayshift in the hospital. I spoke with this german nurse attentive to all that she was saying, appreciating the fact that she really cared about the issues of this world and took time to try to understand them. But more than that, I was gripped by the recognition that she saw them. She saw the sufferings of the poor and the weak and the voiceless. She didn't think of them as them, but rather, us. She cared; and that expression of empathy stood out to me because it wasn't projected from a Christian context and community.
She asked me what I meant when I said I want to use my nursing in developing countries... When the specificity of which nation I want to work in came out in conversation, the conversation changed. She knew I was serious. She knew it ran deep and that it wasn't some flighty decision made on a whim. But as the conversation progressed, it became very apparent to me that there was one thing she would not grasp, she could not grasp. And that is... Why. She asked me why that country, why not southern Africa or other parts of Asia... it's so dangerous there. Yes, it's dangerous, and I admit, sometimes I hate that about it, but the only thing that echoed in my being when she asked me, was the truth that God's love compels me. I told her this is so strong in my heart that I feel if I did not go, I would be shutting off life from within. It doesn't make logical sense. And I recognize, it can't make sense outside of the character of God.
At one point after telling her I want to share Christ's love with these people, she said 'but they are different religion, they are Muslim... I call myself Christian, but I don't think that you should make others turn from their beliefs - that is their religion. A lot of crime has been done in the name of religion.' I agreed with her; indeed, in the past, a lot of wrong has been done under the facade of religion... but she continued to say 'if you are going there to do nursing, that is fine; I think that is very... noble...' In that instant, my heart was chastened to recall what God has personally been reminding me in my transition of finishing nursing school. My desire to do nursing started with mission. Nursing was just a tool to practically give more. The deep desire of my heart is living and sharing Christ. I knew I needed to take a stand for that - that I do believe there is one truth, and in fact, I do go in a missionary heart. I felt that if I didn't express that to her, I would be denying all that Christ is to me.
We continued with our work that had to be done, and then a bit later, she asked: 'aren't you scared?'. I gave her an honest answer, and it resounded again: she could not understand because she does not KNOW God and His character. She does not know what it means to have one's life hidden in Christ's, to have it surrendered to Him... that He purposes, that He protects, and enables. There is a higher life than this one where life is everlasting, and it does not entail living here on earth as many years as possible, but rather, living Christ, no matter the path He ordains.
Oh... how I wanted her to know that truth. That sweet truth.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
