Why is it that in one day, even in one portion of a day, I can vacillate so much between contentment and discontentment? Even more, there are times where I feel both sentiments forcefully in the same moment. Sometimes it is unbearable, and others, a sweet dissonance. Am I crazy?!! Sheisse! What is going on in this heart of mine! Some sort of mixture between hope and grace.

Hope: longing and yearning, desiring more.
Grace: God's spirit present, here with me, His absolute goodness.

Longing for heaven... yearning for it, wanting to be there... It's like, in my mouth, but I can't eat it. Can't have REAL interface with it. I only have a vague memory of it.. weird: memory of the future. This is what I'm made for, what I'm fashioned for, and I can't have it now... so much further to go still. More time to carry this subtle ache. More opportunities to bring a little more, and then a little more of heaven on earth.

Heaven on earth, we need it now.
Jesus, can you take the time,
To throw a drowning man a line,
Peace on earth...